We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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