and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
