So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
