once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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