Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
