You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
