things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
