My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize