I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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