you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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