i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're a waste of cheezeits
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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