i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
