she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
