Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize