i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
