I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
3 2 1 whiskey
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
