I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
is it fun? or sober?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
