Swine flu. Run for my life!
you would pick up someone in the library
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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