Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
