This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You smell like stripper and shame
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
