Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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