wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
