What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize