And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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