Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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