Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
