Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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