What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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