In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
