i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
