I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
