he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
