Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize