I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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