I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
