ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
