is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
