So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
