It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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