sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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