yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
