i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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