dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
