I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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