Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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