Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
