she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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