I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
