Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
