I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
