I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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