How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
