Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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