My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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