Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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