I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
