Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm bleeding and have questions
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
