About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
