my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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