This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize