Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
