Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
