We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
