..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
