For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
