Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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