it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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