Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
