im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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