So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize