Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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