Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is the high leading the old right now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
