I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I currently don't understand fingers.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
