I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Boobs are out for the taking
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
