Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
