Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
