I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
