4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
