Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
