I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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