Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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