If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
