You're completely useless in the revolution.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
did you just send me my own nude
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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