You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize