I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
