She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
