I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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