Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
