so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
