I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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