Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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