I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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