I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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