yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
