He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
