He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
