I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
