): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
