I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
